Q: Why do you want to fix a negative situation with someone that is always harming you?

What causes you to be there in the first place?

The people you are attracted to or the person you desire are the very representation of the relationship you have with yourself.

Remove the idea of the trauma bond for a moment and look at how often we harm ourselves trying to find one more solution, one more therapy, one more…

Why is the other person “the prize” while we “protect” our tender hearts and rebuild ourselves stronger to be with them?

The whole view is a reinforcement of self-harm because you cannot win on the grounds of a belief that puts you in the position of a victim and the abuser in the position of power.

Yet when we leave we will find the same person again and again because anyone that would be kind to us, we would find to be “boring”.

To be in any kind of trauma bond relationship, you have to be in a very low position in terms of your relationship with yourself alone. This has nothing to do with them.

Sure, when in a low position some people can abuse you, and they will, but they are not the cause nor the solution. This alone makes it clear that the solution is about you. Because you are the problem from the start.

You are the problem, it is all you. While this may seem like victim blaming, which in a way is, it is above all POWER INDUCING. The moment you understand that if you are in any kind of bond that is harmful or causing you any pain and that it is all YOU, then you are no longer in danger of trying to fix a “prize” (outside source).

You will become empowered and free by simply accepting that you are the problem and therefore the solution.

Remove your focus from them and bring it back to yourself. You are responsible for everything that you experience. That addiction that you feel is not love – it is simply an indication of someone or something representing the states you feed in yourself.

You create your reality: this includes your emotions, the degree and intensity of them your desires and everything else. The problems and solutions and above the power are always within you and have to do with YOU. So make sure you are concerned with yourself and the causes within you, and make sure that you are not just blindly reacting to emotions, desires or people.

Ask yourself:

Why would you desire someone that treats you so poorly?