“It is Just a Preference…”

(Is Not the Excuse You Think It Is.)

Let us begin with the definition.

Prejudice

/ˈprejədəs/

An adverse opinion formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge.

An irrational attitude of hostility directed at an individual, group, race, or their perceived characteristics.

Sound familiar? Now let us talk about dating.

Maybe you think you are just “not into” Asian guys. Maybe Latinas “are not your thing.” Maybe you have got a type—one that suspiciously includes people who look like you and excludes everyone who does not.

Here is the question: Does that make you a racist? The answer might be yes.

If your dating “preferences” mean that you are willing to exclude entire races before even getting to know someone, that is not a quirk. It is racial bias. And if you have never bothered to unpack why you feel this way? That is not a preference – it is prejudice.

If someone says:

-“I prefer women to men.” → That is about gender.

– “I prefer introverts to extroverts.” → That is about personality.

-“I prefer redheads.” → That is about fetishising a feature (which is already iffy).

But—

– “I do not date Black/Asian/Latino people.” → That is about race. And that is where the problem starts.

Because when you reduce an entire group of people to their race and dismiss them outright, you are denying them their full, individual humanity. And we shall call that what it is:

Dehumanisation.

If this still feels like a stretch, here is a real example from a 2015 study on dehumanisation and racial bias:

201 Americans were asked to rate how “evolved” different groups felt to them—on a scale that subtly placed some humans closer to animals.

Muslims, Arabs, and Mexican immigrants were all rated as less human than Europeans.

The people who ranked others lower? They also supported increased surveillance, policing, and punishment. That is not about “preference.” It is about power, perception, and prejudice.

So. What do we do with this?

You can still have tastes. You can still acknowledge attraction. But you do not get to weaponise those preferences as walls to hide behind. Not when those walls are built on lazy generalisations and internalised stereotypes.

If you say:

-“I prefer fries to chips,” you are not swearing off chips forever.

But if you say:

– “I will never date [insert race here],” what you really mean is: “I have already decided who is human enough to love.”

That is not preference – it is profiling. It is your job to see people as individuals before you reduce them to a racial checkbox. Would you want to be erased from consideration based on who your parents are?

TL;DR:

– Your tastes are not up for scrutiny

– but, you are not allowed to pretend your exclusions are innocent when they are not

-You are responsible for examining the biases underneath your desires.

Because what self-respecting person would date someone who sees them as less than human?