(or: why it keeps happening βto youβ)
Let us start with something familiar.
Say your last couple of relationships ended in betrayal β maybe cheating, maybe addiction, maybe emotional manipulation. It does not really matter which. The pattern is the same: you got hurt. And now, you have met someone new.
At first, everything seems fine. Better than fine β intoxicating. That new-relationship buzz makes it hard to see clearly. You laugh at the same memes, he brings you your favourite snacks, the chemistry is perfect.
But then: you notice something.
Maybe it is how often he drinks. You tell yourself it is just social, just weekend fun. But somewhere inside, you start to tighten. Because that is when your last partner started spiralling. You remember how drinking led to staying out, then to lying, then to cruelty. The fear creeps in before you can stop it.
Suddenly, you are watching more closely.
Is he checking his phone more?
Is he texting someone you do not know?
Why has he not responded yet?
You are not imagining things β but you are not seeing the future, either. You are seeing your past. Overlaid onto now. Projected like a film across a blank screen. This is what it means to say: reality is consciousness objectified.
It means what you expect β what you believe deep down, whether you admit it or not β shapes what shows up around you. It does not make you at fault for someone elseβs betrayal. It does not mean you βattractedβ abuse because you secretly wanted it. But it does mean this: your beliefs about what is possible will filter every new experience. They will pre-load the ending to your story, unless you wake up and change the script.
Did he cheat because you feared he would? Not exactly. You do not turn loyal people into liars. That tendency was already there. But did your suspicion β your constant fear and emotional guarding β create the conditions for disconnection? Very possibly.
Would someone who knew their worth from the start have tolerated the early warning signs? Would they have stayed when it started to wobble? Maybe not. And that is the point. This goes beyond relationships.
People who are constantly afraid of losing money often do, even when they earn plenty. Those obsessed with controlling their weight tend to bounce between restriction and binging. People terrified of being rejected often act in ways that guarantee they will be. Why? Because consciousness objectifies. Fear becomes fact.
You do not get what you want β you get what you expect.
The best athletes in the world are not just physically trained. They are mentally rehearsed. They see themselves winning before they even show up. They play out the victory in their minds a thousand times β they have already felt the triumph, celebrated the medal, heard the applause. When the race begins, they are not trying to win. They are just stepping into the version of reality they have already chosen.
What if we approached love like that? Or money? Or healing? What if we could practice seeing the good before it arrives, instead of waiting for the bad to confirm our fears? You are not cursed. You are just repeating scenes from the past that you never got to rewrite. You are the author now. Reality is consciousness objectified.
So what happens when you decide to believe something better?
