People talk about friendship like it is a permanent state you enter once, like: Congratulations!Β You have bonded. Here is your certificate. Friendship now runs on autopilot.
But friendship is not a historical artefact. It is a living thing that requires care.
Friendship requires:
- mutual effort
- curiosity
- respect
- accountability
- emotional reciprocity
- the ability to hear βnoβ without punishing someone for it
You do not get to cash in years of closeness like they are coupons when you start behaving badly. Nor do you get to chime in with:Β βBut we have been through so much!β as a substitute for basic decency. History matters, yes. But it does not entitle anyone to access forever.
The truth is that friendship is not proven in the good years. It is proven in the moments where one person is struggling and still does not recruit the other person as unpaid emotional labour.
There is a difference between needing support and demanding rescue. Leaning on someone is nothing like crushing them under the weight of your responsibilities.
I have learned something the hard way: Sometimes the person who calls you βbest friendβ is not saying I love you. Thank you for being there for me. I appreciate you.Β They are saying: You are mine.
And those are two completely different religions.
