Most days, my feelings can be summed up in three words: confusion, sadness, and frustration.
Confusion is the one that shows up first. It feels like standing still while everything else moves. I often donβt know what Iβm supposed to feel, say, or do. I think a lot, sometimes too much, and still end up unsure. People expect answers, plans, and confidence. Inside, Iβm just trying to understand myself and the world at the same time. Itβs tiring to always feel one step behind my own thoughts.
Sadness sits deeper. Itβs quieter than people expect. Itβs not always crying or breaking down. Most of the time, itβs a heavy calm. A feeling that something is missing, even when nothing is βwrong.β I can be surrounded by things I like, people I care about, and still feel far away. Like Iβm watching my life through glass. I donβt always know why I feel this way, and that makes it harder to explain to others.
Frustration comes when those feelings donβt move. When confusion doesnβt clear, and sadness doesnβt lift. I get frustrated with myself most of all. For not finding the right words. For not reacting the βrightβ way. For feeling stuck while wanting to grow. Itβs hard when your inner world feels loud, but your outer world expects you to stay calm and functional.
These feelings are not phases that come and go. They are regular visitors. Some days they are gentle, other days they press harder. Iβm learning that this doesnβt make me broken. It makes me human. Still, living with these emotions every day takes energy. It takes patience. It takes small acts of kindness toward myself, even when I donβt feel like I deserve them.
This blog isnβt here to solve anything. Itβs here to be honest. This is how I feel, often. Not dramatically, not for attention, just truthfully. Writing it down helps me breathe a little easier. It reminds me that my feelings are real and that they matter, even when they are messy.
If you feel this way, too, youβre not alone. And if you donβt, thank you for listening anyway.
