There is a difference between friendship and proximity. There is a difference between knowing someone and having access to them.
There is a difference between caring about a person and using them as an emotional convenience store.
We have never been friends.
Friends are curious about each other.
Friends ask questions that are not about themselves. Friends notice patterns. Friends learn who you are.
You never tried to get to know me.
Our conversations have always been about you. Your problems. Your feelings. Your stories. Your interpretations. Your crises. Your growth arcs. Your theories. Your needs.
I could tell you your habits, your coping mechanisms, your blind spots, your defense strategies, your patterns in relationships, your favorite narratives about yourself.
You cannot tell me mine.
That is not mutuality. That is extraction. You seem confused about why you βdo not know what is going onβ in my life.
It is not because information was hidden. My writing has been public for years. My thoughts have been accessible. My inner world has been visible.
You simply never looked.
Because looking would require effort. And effort was never the role you assigned yourself.
You assumed I would volunteer everything. You assumed I would translate myself. You assumed I would remain available. You assumed wrong.
Checking in every few days is not connection.
It is a temperature probe.
It is seeing if the supply line is still open.
When I stopped offering myself, you did not lean in. You hovered. That told me everything I needed to know.
This is not punishment, cruelty or me βwithholding.β
This is me no longer participating in a dynamic where I am the host and you are the organism feeding off my attention, labor, and emotional processing.
You are not entitled to access to me.
You are not entitled to context.
You are not entitled to updates.
If you want to call yourself a friend in the futureβwith anyoneβlearn how to be curious about people instead of only about how they serve you.
Learn how to ask real questions.
Learn how to notice.
Learn how to carry your own weight.
I am stepping away.
Not angrily, dramatically or to make a point.
I am stepping away because I finally chose myself.
