Not a loser

My worldview is not hierarchical.

It is relational.
For example:
Paul is walking on the same field as me. He is not above me. He is not below me. Just like the next person who is walking next to us, or in front of us, or behind us, we are all heading in the same direction. So why Paul would feel the need to push me down and stomp on me to get to where he needs to go does not make a lot of sense. Because we are all going the same way.

Yep, one person might get there a little faster. Perhaps that person might get there a little slower. But we are all heading in the same direction.

No one is walking off to the right. No one is walking off to the left.
No one is turning around and walking the other direction.
We are all walking in the same direction. It is not a competition. No one is winning anything. And when it is looked at like something that you have to win, that is when you do lose. When you treat people as something that you need to conquer, that you need to break down so you can win, you are the loser. Not that you are a loser, because, you know, words matter here. But you are the loser in that situation, because we are all migrating to the same spot.

Instinctively, even when we think we need to map it out and know where we are going, and if we think we can sit down and delay it a little while, it is okay. You can do that. But you are gonna get back up and walk right in front of you with everybody else. No matter what that person looks like, no matter what their beliefs are, no matter what football team they like, we are all gonna end up in the same place.

Nobody is “winning life.”

Nobody gets to the finish line and receives a trophy for accumulating the most promotions, the most admiration, the most money, the most romantic attention, or the most frequent-flyer miles.

We are all walking.

Some are carrying more weight.
Some are injured.
Some stop and rest.
Some sprint ahead.
Some get lost and wander through the bushes for a few years because a butterfly looked interesting.

But we are all moving through the same fundamental experience of being human.

When I look at another person, I do not see an opponent.

I see a fellow traveller.

So when someone behaves as though they need to climb over me to get somewhere, it creates a kind of existential confusion.
Not just hurt.
Confusion.

“Why are we fighting over road when there is road everywhere?”

“Why are you standing on my shoulders when we are heading to the same place?”

“Why are you treating me as an obstacle when I was walking beside you?”

The tragedy is that many people genuinely experience life as a competition.

Not necessarily consciously.

But underneath.

A scarcity model.

Attention is scarce.
Love is scarce.
Success is scarce.
Worth is scarce.

If someone else shines, I become dimmer.

If someone else succeeds, I lose.
If someone else matters, I matter less.
And once a person adopts that framework, other people start becoming objects.

Resources.
Threats.
Competitors.
Validation sources.
Tools.

Relationship stops being:
“How do we walk together?”
and become:
“How do I get what I need?”

Because the victory itself contains the loss.

You arrive carrying the prize and discover you traded away the very people you were hoping would celebrate with you.

And that is not really winning at all.