Hi ❤️
I understand that you want everyone to be well, and I appreciate that you want to support Paul. I do not want you to feel that you have to choose sides or stop being there for your brother.
But I do want to clarify something important.
The reason Paul and I continued living together was not because our relationship had recovered or because we were trying to reconcile. Paul stayed because separating due to his infidelity, would have meant paying child support and spouse support, which he wanted to avoid. Continuing to live together allowed him to avoid those financial obligations while I continued carrying the responsibilities of caring for our children and maintaining the household.
Our continued cohabitation should not be mistaken for evidence that the relationship was functioning or that the harm had been resolved. It was a continuation of the circumstances that had already caused so much damage.
What happened between us was not one disagreement or one unfortunate event. It was an accumulation of things over many years, many of which have consequences that continue today.
I understand the desire to put the past behind us, but that is not quite what we are trying to accomplish.
Paul cannot change what happened, but he can take responsibility for it. He can acknowledge the harm, understand its consequences, and make meaningful changes in how he treats the people who have been affected by his decisions.
That is what moving forward needs to look like.
I am not asking anyone to punish him or to dwell indefinitely on the past. I want him to have a good life, and I want him to have the support of his family. But I also want that support to help him take responsibility rather than reassure him that everything can simply be left behind.
Regarding your parents, I understand that their beliefs and attitudes may be difficult to change. I am not asking anyone to change who they are. But their beliefs do not have to determine how the rest of us respond to what has happened.
I appreciate that you care about all of us, and I know that this is not an easy situation for anyone.
I hope you can understand that moving forward and taking responsibility are not opposing goals. In fact, I believe that taking responsibility is what makes moving forward possible. ❤️
