(The B-side nobody asked for)
We’ve all heard it: “You’re what I wanted… but maybe not as a life partner.”
🎸Title: Glittered Goodbye
Ohhh yeahhh Shine it up, shine it up, shine it up tonight
You’re what I wanted Diamond lips, velvet fire
But when the lights fade out
You’re not my forever desire
Lipstick dreams on the mirror glass
Heels on the floor, burnin’ too fast
You’re what I wanted…
But maybe not as a life partner
Glitter fades, baby, and the night gets darker
You’re my stage light spark
But not my morning sun
I need forever
You’re just a hit-and-run
Kisses taste electric
Hairspray hearts collide
But every fairytale
Needs more than a wicked ride
Roses wilt on the backstage floor
We both know what we came here for
You’re what I wanted…
But maybe not as a life partner
Glitter fades, baby, and the night gets darker
You’re my stage light spark
But not my morning sun
I need forever
You’re just a hit-and-run
Ooooh, the spotlight lies!
Can’t live on neon skies!
We’re burnin’ hot tonight— But we’ll never survive!
You’re what I wanted…
But maybe not as a life partner
Glitter fades, baby, and the night gets darker
You’re my stage light spark
But not my morning sun
I need forever
You’re just a hit-and-run
You’re just a hit-and-run…
Ohhh ohhh… hit-and-run…
Goodbye… goodbye…
———
I have been turned down several times in my life by people I trusted and thought felt more than they did.
I have accepted the parts of me that need work to make me a better partner.
I haven’t possessed many of the desired traits or qualities people look for in a life partner. This is not meant as a cry for sympathy or whining or anything like that. I’m just stating what I have believed about myself and how I have seen or believed others have seen me. I am not sure if I know how to answer how it could warp my sense of what real love should look like.
I am not entirely sure why it feels safer to keep someone as a fantasy in my head (instead of treating them as “real”). I think it has to do with several things. To keep my emotions “safe” from being hurt, to keep my ego from being hurt or even upset, to keep my own picture of how I believe I am intact, that I can’t be accountable or held responsible for things (not that I am still a 100% sure of how to be properly responsible or accountable for things), not having to put myself in a situation where I have to do something I am uncomfortable with or can create a confrontation. There are several aspects, and not everyone is as big a part in it. But I have realised that I am losing a lot from doing this. I lose credibility, trustworthiness, intimacy, closeness, genuineness, a chance to be proven wrong about my beliefs, companionship and friendships. In the end, the only thing that actually gets protected is my own negative self-image and confidence. Nothing gets built up or strengthened. It either stagnates or erodes away and leaves hollowness.
“Perhaps. Yet, you were what I wanted… but maybe not as a life partner.”
The hero: “As the rain poured down over him, he stood as frozen in stone. He was glad that nobody could see his tears with the rain trickling down his face to hide his pain and sorrow. She was standing in her doorway, safe from the rain. She was in pain – emotional pain – and couldn’t understand what he was saying. “I love you so much, but I don’t think I want to… no, can be with you. It’s really not you. It is me. I’m no good for you. I am a nobody. I am nothing. You are so much, and I don’t think I could live with holding you down or back because of my own limitations. I’m too small, and you’re too grand, baby.”
The reality: “He chose avoidance, manipulation, lies, gaslighting, cheating, neglect, unkindness, abandonment, emotional abuse and a complete failure of communication, a lack of honesty, reliability and accountability.”
The honesty: “He feared being hurt because he didn’t feel good enough. He felt shame in his perceived inabilities as a person. He wanted to be more than he was.“
