Helpless: A newborn deer. Lying in the grass. It is so tiny, still wet, trembling. It still haven’t opened up its eyes properly or taken its first real deep breath. The mother lick it and cleans it, vigilant of the surroundings. Though the fawn will be up and running happily in a couple of hours, it is so frail and helpless right now. If a predator is to approach, the best chance the fawn has is for the mother to run away, hoping the fawn will stay all still and unnoticed in the high grass.
Avoidance: Don’t want to, don’t want to, don’t want to, don’t want to! Need to get away. I feel the urge to hide, to flee, to disconnect and to not deal with things. Nausea, heart beating faster and faster. How to escape? How to get som… not safety. But still, how to get somewhere that feels safe? Where there’s nothing that needs to be done. Somewhere that doesn’t need speaking or handling. Or especially thinking.
Lust: Desire takes a hold of us. Takes us in and embraces us. Envelops us. Nothing but us exists. Us and the desire. The lust.
Innocence: The feeling of being cleared of all charges was an enormous relief. He could sense the future coming back to him, to finally be able to plan for a life again. How had he ever gotten mixed up in this. No, it wouldn’t been the end of the world had he been convicted, but still. It had felt as if his life was ending and now it wasn’t anymore. He had finally been believed by the jury. His story had been proven to line up with the facts and all was well and good. He had insisted on being innocent, and now, everyone knew it to be true as well.
Misunderstood: “So you’re saying that you were in the area at the time for the accident?” he asked me. “No,” I said. “I have been here before and had plans on going here again in a couple of days,” I continued. “Hmm, I see. So you’re saying that you could perhaps have been here at the time of the accident, then?” he continued. “No,” I said again. I was nowhere near the area, but I know it from previous visits” I said, trying to hide my exasperation. “Okay. That means you’re a person of interest for us and you will be asked to join us down at the station. You were possibly here at the time in question, as you say, and that is enough for you to become either a witness or potentially a suspect.”
Desperate: “NO!” I scream out. I tries to stop it. I need to stop it. To hinder it happening. The world starts going in slow motion. There is nothing I can do….
Cherished: To be held and hugged. Told that everything will be okay and that the pain will stop soon. Just exist in the moment with you and hold you back. I will try not to hug you too hard.
Naïve: “An axe can’t be that hard to use or that dangerous? Of course it has been used to murder, in warfare and caused countless incidents of maiming and injuries by careless people not knowing how to wield a potential lethal weapon. And no, I don’t have any experience chopping wood. But how hard is it? Set the log on top of the larger log. Raise axe over your head. Swing down and chop. Easy.”
Bewildered: As I hear what he says I’m completely bewildered. How can a person say these things. How can someone that supposed to be a boss – and I believed at one point a friend – scream like this? Im not angry or scared. I’m just really, really surprised, confused and just… “What”
Confronted: The mirror was held up to him so he could see himself. Unluckily it wasn’t a physical mirror. It was emotional. Shutting your eyes doesn’t work on these things, no matter how hard he have tried in the past. There is no escape from this. “Open your eyes,” he think to himself. “Get it over with, and then it can be done and gone,” he continues thinking. He hates confrontations with a passion. But he has done this to himself. The situation is his creation, his doing. He hasn’t done anything that anyone has forced him to do. This is all his own. He needs to seethes, take responsibility and deal with it before it consumes anymore of the people he dragged into his worthless, hollow life. There’s only one way out, and she is holding it up for him to see. To help. But how can help hurt so much?
