I called Melinda βthe N-wordβ.
The way I have spoken about and treated poc have been disrespectful, derogatory, degrading and extremely insensitive. I have made comments or fun of intelligence, abilities and looks of poc, I have made comments or jokes about groups of people based on ethnicity, skin colour and other traits different from mine.
I have through these actions dehumanised and spread hatred and towards and about people that had no ability to defend themselves against it. I used the fact that they were poc to create a view of them as lesser than me or other white people. I acted from a place of privilege and beliefs that this was βokayβ.
I took away their dignity, their humanity, their history of abuse and made it present abuse. I oppressed through my words and actions and dragged the majority of the worldβs population down based on nothing more than that they looked different from me.
I have been shown repeatedly in my life how others opinions about me have been validated, and though I have been hurt, I have been told that what other people may say about me is just as valid, if not more, than what I think about myself. βThen stop being fat if what others say about you bothers youβ etc.
But I understand and know that this is wrong and not how it is supposed to be and that others have no right to say anything harmful about another person. I justified my words with saying that βit was just a jokeβ or βI never actually meant itβ. But I still said them, I still hurt people and that is what counts. I have no right believing or thinking less of others or say anything derogatory or cruel about others based on things about their person that they canβt anything for being.
When I said Melinda was a N-word, I reinforced racism because I extended behaviour of hundreds of years of abuse, enslavement, and general mistreatment through political, social and economical acts that has been done towards poc.
When I excused it as βnot my belief,β I added harm because I dismissed and disregarded Melindaβs feelings, experiences and tried to make racism less of a thing than it is.
When asked to put myself in this situation, I said that I knew how she felt because I donβt have to imagine being called out on how I look or my abilities. It has happened several times by both strangers and family members. I have been told that they have said it to make a point about how being this or that is a choice and itβs only laziness or the lack of will that is the reason to why the population has grown heavier over the last decades. βI called you fat, though I donβt see you as that fat or anything,β is something I was told.
Being called fat is not a slur but I reduced the n-word down to the same level.
