a- link to original post
b-what circumstance do I believe lead to this post being written?
The circumstances behind this post is a series of conversations, discussions, and arguments. About the things that matters are behaviour and actions – not necessarily what was felt. The feelings aren’t to be ignored or dismissed, but it is the actions that is measurable and counts. I have had problems with understanding that, and this post has been written as a response and explanation.
c-whatβs the central idea or message?
It is how how one person experiences the other person, and those experiences are based on facts. It is to show the distinction between what one feels, what is felt, what is seen and what is experienced. This creates a sum, and it is this sum that will show up as proofs.
d-whatβs the tone of the post (The author’s attitude toward the subject)?
The tone here I feel is quite “calm”. It is an explanation of something, and the way it is explained makes it feel like she’s put on her “therapist hat” here. It is pragmatic and straight forwards, written with knowledge that stems from facts and experience.
e-whatβs the mood of the post? (The overall atmosphere or feeling the post creates)?
The post isn’t without emotions. It is said with some sense of passion, and conviction. It feels like it is. a subject that is important to her, and that she dearly wants her point to come across as clearly as possible.
f-how does the post make you feel?
And I get the point she is making. I see what she says and I understand it. Still, it leaves me somewhat confused. I see how her experience of my behaviour tells her one thing, but at the same time my choices and actions was based on emotions, and those actions – that was experienced one way by her – looks totally different to me. I get a bit insecure and I lose trust in my own emotions and in my perceptions. Things feels backwards, and I don’t understand it. And I struggle with explaining it any differently.
g-what do you like about the post?
I like the entire text. It is well written and shows her point very well. It is something that is difficult to disagree with, and I don’t do that. I also likes how it isn’t blaming and pointing fingers. It is simply trying to say something. To explain something.
h-what do you dislike about the post?
As I mentioned earlier, it leaves me a bit confused. Not because of what she writes, but because of how I have seen things and the choices I have made based on my feelings. I understand they don’t make sense to others, but they did make sense to me.
I-what questions does the post leave you with?
Again I am sitting with a bunch of “why”s rolling through my head. Why are our view and experiences so vastly different? Why have I felt the needs to act or choose as I have. And how can I get my mind better aligned? It’s not that I don’t understand what I’m being told. It is not that I am trying to avoid any responsibilities of what I have done. I just want to make sense of what I have felt and why I behaved as I did.
j-do you connect with the post? Why or why not?
I will say so. I understand her point, I understand her experience and I know what I have done. I am not trying to deny anything of what I have done. But I just struggle making some sense of things. This post is well made, and I do get what she is telling me here. And that is perhaps a good place to start, and try to find a path to a greater understanding from there.
a- link to original post
b-what circumstance do I believe lead to this post being written?
The circumstances behind this post is, I believe, a few different things. Firstly is about how I behaved my relationships. Secondly is about the way I tried to make my amends and that I used confessions to try to do it, instead of understanding how to speak about things with i.e. empathy instead of shame and guilt. But it is also about the author having “enough”, realising how certain things doest really matter because it is not words that matters the most, it’s how one shows up and prove themselves and but actions behind the words spoken.
c-whatβs the central idea or message?
The message is to show how certain things are more important than others. How to in fact showing upΒ and what you actuallyΒ doΒ trumps what is being said. To use the words”I love you” don’t matter when you then use this love as an excuse, or that you do things – like lying and cheating, instead of communicating and put your partner first. An it is about how a person deserves true care, true compassion, real efforts and not simply words about guilt and shame.
d-whatβs the tone of the post (The author’s attitude toward the subject)?
I think she shows a clear understanding about what she writes about. It feels personal, but at the same time pragmatic and explanatory. It doesn’t come off as an “academic” post, because here are too much experience and emotions in it, but it is still a bit personal distance in it. She shows how she has understood things, and want to share things with people to help them see and understand as well.
e-whatβs the mood of the post? (The overall atmosphere or feeling the post creates)?
I feel that the overall mood here is frustration, sorrow, and perhaps exasperation. She has been through what she writes about, and she has had “enough”. She shows she is done being given words with no actions and she is tired of it. There is perhaps some anger, but it is not what defines the post, I feel. There is at the same time some kind of emotional relief in it as well. I feel she is letting go of something, and though it is painful, it is growth and acceptance, perhaps, here.
f-how does the post make you feel?
IT makes me feel sad, first of all – seeing how I have behaved and treated the author, and how much I have made her go through. I do feel some guilt and shame as well, but they’re not the dominating feelings anymore. They are there to remind me, but not control me. What I feel strongest is the sorrow. But there is also empathy for her and what she has gone through. I regret everything I have done that has hurt her, and I feel very strongly that I don’t want to continue these types of patterns anymore. I genuinely want to change myself.
g-what do you like about the post?
I like the language. I like how she writes, explains and shows what she mean. It is a complex subject, but she makes it understandable and accessible. This is not done by simplifying things or anything like that, but in how she words things.
h-what do you dislike about the post?
I highly dislike that I am one of the main causes behind what is written here. How I have hurt the author, how much pain I have caused, and how I have perpetuated the pain through my behaviour and treatment of her. This doesn’t have anything to do with the post itself, of course, but about myself. The post itself I can’t say I dislike from an objective point of view, other than it is horrible that a post like this has had to be written.
I-what questions does the post leave you with?
There’s a few “what if”s inside of me after reading this post. There are so many things I shouldn’t have done or that I should have done differently. These questions will probably always haunt me. Other than that, I am not sure if I have any other questions beside; “is there anything I can do for you?”
j-do you connect with the post? Why or why not?
I feel that I do. I feel I understand and are able to take in both the message and her feelings in this post. I feel the pain I have caused her, and I see the things I have done better now than I have before.
