b-what circumstance do I believe lead to this post being written?
I can’t say what exactly happened that led to this post being written, but it is undoubtedly in regard to the relationship between us. Or rather what the relationship should or could have been, and what I ended up showing up with. It shows the differences between us, in what we seek and how we build. What we put into the concept of “relationship”. It tells of how this relationship should have been grander than anything else. That it was destined – “written in the stars”, but that I failed to show up for it. I wanted things without the work. I took for granted, I showed a mask and not myself.
c-whatβs the central idea or message?
The message is given without anger, I feel, but still a lot of passion and emotions. I think there are some regrets in it, and sorrow. It has a kind of”finality” to it as well. The end line speaks quite loudly for this. I showed up as a ghost in the end, and she doesn’t deal with those.
f-how does the post make you feel?
The post makes me feel regrets. There are shame, yes, but that is not the leading emotion anymore. The regrets are stronger and it is accompanied by sorry and guilt instead. I didn’t show up. I didn’t do the work. I kept her at a distance and I took instead advantage of her love and believed that her work would be enough for the both of us.
g-what do you like about the post?
I like this post a lot. It is a beautiful text, and everything that moves us is something that should be liked, though the feelings I am left with isn’t of the positive kind. Her language is direct enough for me to get what she’s talking about though the form of it goes a little over my head. That is not on her, but on me.
h-what do you dislike about the post?
At the same time I don’t like the fact that she felt that a post like this should have be written. But again, this is not about her or the post, but the feeling of guilt and regret I have. Had I showed up as “the man instead of the myth”, her feelings wouldn’t have been what they are.
h-what do you dislike about the post?
And that leaves me with the ever-gnawing question of “what if?” What if I had done as I said. Shown up as I should have. As I wanted. What would thing have been likeΒ ifΒ I had been the man I said I was? That I wanted to be and desired to be.
But I understand that an answer to these things will never be answered. Not in this lifetime or in this timeline. Perhaps in a different dimension where the stars are aligning for this to play out in a different way in a different time?
j-do you connect with the post? Why or why not?
But this post I good. I feel it deep inside of me. I feel her words resonate and it feels… strong. I feel the connection to the words, and the meaning of them. I believe I connect with them in a different way than I initially did. I feel them and connect to them now in ways I couldn’t before. It is helping me put away my mask and makes me want to try building the man instead.
a- link to original post
b-what circumstance do I believe lead to this post being written?
I believe there is a series of circumstances behind this post. It is not a simple answer orΒ one reason for it. I think some of it is her need to talk about these things. Things she has experienced in life. Things that has helped shape her and make her into who she is today. Another part is perhaps frustration in feeling not seen or heard when she has tried to bring these things up in her relationships. I know she tried to speak to me about it, but I didn’t listen well enough.
c-whatβs the central idea or message?
The message here is to show what has shaped her, how it shaped her and how she is today. What the treatment she suffered as a child leaves such deep marks into adulthood. How everything becomes a threat to her body, because it is what it expects.
d-whatβs the tone of the post (The author’s attitude toward the subject)?
It’s personal and raw. She doesn’t hide things. She wants people to know how mistreatment and abuse affects the body. How something that happened decades ago is still felt as if it is happening today. The wounds may not be seen, but they are raw under the surface.
e-whatβs the mood of the post? (The overall atmosphere or feeling the post creates)?
I feel it is quite heavy. The subject, the story, the content, the consequences and everything about it is heavy. It is fearful, but doesn’t feel afraid. There is something matter-of-factly (if that is the right word?) about it, that seems to create a bit of a distance to the entire thing, but still keep it extremely personal. (I apologise. I don’t feel I have the right vocabulary to express what I am trying to say here.)
f-how does the post make you feel?
It makes me feel terribly sad for the child that went through these horrors, and I feel sorrow and empathy towards the person she became that have had to live with these wounds all her life. I feel anger towards the people that treated her in such ways – and yes; that includes myself very much.
g-what do you like about the post?
I like how she’s able to talk about this subject. It is important that things like these are brought up, though they are extremely heavy and difficult to talk about, and she writes about it – I don’t know what else to call it except for in a good way.
h-what do you dislike about the post?
The story and all the horrors she has gone through. How she haven’t been allowed safety, but time and time again have ended up in unsafe situations, and still has had to be the responsible one. How her childhood was taken from her and she had to fend for herself from such an early age.
I-what questions does the post leave you with?
I’m not entirely sure I know what questions I could ask after reading anything like this. Though know this story already, it is still horrible to read it. I want to ask her; “is there anything I can do for you?”.
j-do you connect with the post? Why or why not?
I am not entirely sure. I do feel a lot of compassion and empathy for her reading it. But I also feel that I am intruding a bit. I have been a part of the problem, and don’t feel I deserve to connect to this post. But I feel so many things from it, that I am not sure if I can help it.
