This is an open letter is meant to acknowledge, as clearly as I can, the harm I caused you in how I handled our relationshipβespecially around intimacy, control, and respect.
I denied you basic care and affection. I withheld touch, attention, and tenderness and made you believe you had done something wrong to deserve it. When you asked for closeness, I responded with coldness or anger. My behaviour made you feel unsafe, undesirable, and ashamed of needs that were completely human.
I also spoke about you in ways that were cruel and demeaning. I used words about your age, your body, and your background that were racist and disrespectful. I compared you to others to make myself feel superior. I treated your identity as something to ridicule rather than respect. Those actions were not slips; they were choices that reflected my own prejudice and immaturity.
While doing this, I lied to you and to others. I maintained contact with younger women and gave them the attention, interest, and respect that should have been given to the person I claimed to love. I acted as though your age and appearance made you less valuable, when the truth is that I used those things as excuses to hide my own insecurity and lack of empathy.
My actions didnβt only humiliate you; they damaged your trust in people. They told you that kindness would be punished and that love was conditional. They made you question your worth. I understand that the scars from that will last much longer than any apology can reach.
I canβt undo what I did. What I can do is stop pretending it was anything other than abuse. I controlled you through neglect, through comparison, and through cruelty. You deserved respect and tenderness, and I gave you the opposite.
I am in therapy now to address the attitudes and patterns that led me to treat you that way. Iβm not asking for forgiveness; Iβm acknowledging reality. I understand that your safety and peace require distance from me, and I will honour that by staying out of your life and respecting your boundaries completely.
The next weeks I’ll be posting commentary to show you that I’m healed but I’m aware of my neglectful patterns. I’m promising to show up and do the work. I hope we’ll be friends again.
A.
These three statements have been edited and approved as the closing entries from Audun. They remain published to complete the public record of accountability and to provide clarity for those affected. No additional commentary, discussion, or expansion will be released. Further reflections, apologies, or interpretations will be handled privately through his own therapeutic process.
The purpose of these posts is to acknowledge harm and finalise the written amends, not to reopen dialogue or seek sympathy. This concludes his participation on this subject.
