“You still love him, right?”
⨔Who?”β¨
“Him.”β¨
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
The space heater clicks on and makes this sizzzzzzHhuuuuhhhzzzUUuaaah sound while I am trying to meditate. The corner of my right eye twitches while my stomach loudly gurgles. I can feel the corners of my mouth curl up into a smile, even though I know I should be concentrating on the OM, but I lost my concentration with the heater that just came on again. I ate peanut butter curls and pizza for dinner three hours ago, and the body likes to churn and gnash in liquid aquarium sounds when the room is silent.
I also know I am deliberately avoiding thinking about a topic brought up earlier today.
I try, but I get overwhelmed
β¨When you’re gone, I have no one to tell
“How are you not going to say anything?”β¨
“Easy. He said he did not want to be involved. So… he is not.”
And didn’t I do it for you?β¨Why don’t I do it for you?β¨Why won’t you do it for me?β¨When all I do is for you?
“You do not feel bad about this at all?”
They’re waiting
They’re watching
They’re watching us
They’re hating
They’re waiting
And hoping
I’m not enough
edited, later: this post is getting some attention, wow! Did it come off melodramatic enough? Sorry, it was not meant to go on display the way it did, but I forget, sometimes, how many people need my pound of flesh, require me to suffer in some way because it is thought that I am unhappy. I AM NOT. I shall persevere. I am not going to lie down and shake and cry and moan about how terrible life and circumstances are NO. These things are just not true. I have faith, joy and heart enough for at least two perfidious people. Do not mistake me picking up the pieces as anything else but that.
a: Do I feel bad about the way this is playing out?
b: No. Who said the last pages have been written?
a: How are you not going to say anything?
b: see the last comment.
a: You still love him, right? Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.
b: I do not love anyone who treats me like garbage.
