The conversation got railroaded by someone asking if she should forgive someone who ghosted her. I have a special place in my heart for ghosters.   You do not know where a person is when they disappear from your life. I tend to click people off when I am overwhelmed. I do not do it because I am being malicious. Life is hard to live within the confines of a chat box demanding my attention constantly.

Why do people think that quantity of time = quality of attention?

As this conversation picked up, I understood something – we all have a sensitive spot for thinking that absence = lack of interest.

Alright, but hear me out.

How do you feel about YOURSELF? Do you wake up every day and love your life? Are you happy with your friends, family, job & other relationships? Yes?   Then why are you bothered?  If you want that person to be in your life, they will be. Chill out.

You have no idea what is going on with them. They could be busy with work. Or they could be having an existential crisis. Maybe they are shy. No matter the case, if you are confident with yourself… why stress over one person’s place in your life? You are happy without them, right?  So… keep living your life as it is. Leave it alone.

Manipulating, guessing and obsessing will only make you out to be needy, and how is that attractive?

Yes, we are human and of course, we desire affection. We need shelter, food and warmth. But do we chase? Do we advocate for co-dependency*? Do we make it seem like all we care about is another human for our happiness? It is a bit pointless, they take our joy when they leave.  This has been an ongoing issue for me. My ability to connect with people has been the fear of “when they are gone” but I have never had the enjoyment while they are around either.

I never had any happiness at all.

I took the time to create stability within myself – it was never outside of me.   Talking to others about it brings me peace. I love knowing that others are grateful for the encouragement to stop searching for what they already have.  Getting people to see how lovely they are without doing magic tricks, gymnastics or diets is not always simple. When it happens, they do not close their eyes to it again.  It is difficult to stay cross at people who have caused you harm when you have discovered who you truly are. When you understand that you have required your self-worth to be measured by the amount of love and attention from another suffering person (everyone has their crosses to bear) –  enter the ouroboros.

Life does a number on us all.  

You love them as you would want them to love you. You close your eyes and see them standing in front of you, and you wrap your arms around them, warmly squeezing them and telling them that you are sorry. There is no need to explain what you are apologising for. Hold them for as long as you see fit, tell them you love them. Let them go and say goodbye.  

Open your eyes and smile.

I have cried a small body of water with this method of release. I did not force it, I only used it for those that lingered in my head and caused me negativity.

No one takes up space in my head now that does not make me happy.

Avoiding your emotions makes you a bitter human – this is a road I have travelled on for far too long. I have sat with some shitty feelings, and have needed to look at myself in not-so-great ways.

I know what I want and when I am equipped for the journey, I will have it.
Mistakes have been made, I will make some more.
I am a gift.
But so are you.
*see co-dependency 2