Precision feels like cruelty to people who survive on vagueness.
This is a very specific bait-and-switch.
βI need you to feel okay.β
Not want.
Need.
Your presence regulates my mood, my identity, my sense of worth, and my stability. When you pull away, I feel dysregulated, panicked, empty, angry, or small. That is not romance. That is a nervous system outsourcing its job.
Now the branding part.
Branding is what makes dependence socially acceptable β even noble. We slap the word love on the need, so it looks intentional, generous, and meaningful instead of fragile and consuming.
So instead of saying: βI rely on you to manage my emotions and sense of self,β the person says: βI love you.β
Branding turns need into virtue. It disguises self-preservation as devotion.
Love moves toward the other personβs autonomy. Dependence moves toward securing access.
Love sounds like: βI want you to be okay, even if that means change, growth, or distance.β
Dependence sounds like: βI need you close, familiar, available β because without you I fall apart.β
Branding is what lets someone believe the second sentence is romantic. This is why dependent-with-branding relationships have some consistent tells: They do not tolerate boundaries well. They frame separation as betrayal. They interpret your independence as abandonment.
They call your needs βtoo muchβ but their neediness βdepth.β Dependence does not actually see you. It sees your function.
You are not valued as a person with an inner life. You are valued as an emotional stabiliser, identity mirror, or security blanket.
That is why someone can say βI love youβ while:
- Cheating
- Lying
- Belittling
- Withholding care
- Refusing repair
Because love is not about you. It is about maintaining access to what you provide.
Love without branding would be honest and ugly: βI do not know how to self-regulate without you.β
Branding turns that into: βI cannot live without you β that is how much I love you.β
One is a vulnerability that could be worked on. The other is a mythology that traps both people.
Real love survives the loss of function.
If you stop soothing me, if you stop agreeing, if you stop making me feel powerful or needed β and I still choose you, still care for your well-being, still respect your agency β that is love.
If the bond collapses the moment you stop performing a role, it was never love. It was dependency wearing a tuxedo. And tuxedos look great right up until you try to breathe in them.
