Dream a little dream (of me)

I had a dream that had me laughing when I woke up:

I was sitting in the dark with someone and we were giggling like you do when the wine has taken your head over. I felt their hand on mine. And then their lips. My mouth was stained with too much burning from the red of the wine and when they kissed me, I got a flood of minty-fruity relief. I was smiling and I can still feel the smile on my cheeks. Soft lips, no teeth banging into mine, just sweet warmth and pounding hearts.

Someone opened the door and a light shone in – that other person was *me*.

I was kissing myself.

My subconscious set up what sounds like a romantic film scene: darkness, wine, laughter, that feeling of being completely absorbed in another person… and then pulled the world’s most unexpected plot twist.

Surprise! It was you all along.

What I love about this dream is that nothing about it felt lonely or narcissistic. It was not standing in front of a mirror admiring myself. It was intimacy. Comfort. Relief.

And the mint?

Describing my lips as burning from the wine, then the kiss brings relief. The other “me” is not just desirable; she is soothing. She brings something my dreaming self needs. The kiss is not about hunger so much as restoration.

And then there is the laughter beforehand. Not passion. Not drama. Not longing. Laughter.

I have spent a lot of time trying to understand other people, care for other people, rescue other people, forgive other people, and make sense of other people’s behaviour, there is something wonderfully absurd about my subconscious saying:

“What if the person you have been looking for all this time is the one already sitting in the dark with you?”

The image of the door opening is fascinating. Usually in dreams, light exposes a secret. Instead, the light reveals the joke.

I wake up expecting a mystery lover and discover I have been making out with myself like some kind of emotional ouroboros.

It reads less like a romance dream and more like a reconciliation dream.

Not “I love myself” in the motivational poster sense.

More:

“I enjoy my own company.”

“I trust myself.”

“I feel safe here.”

“I can receive comfort from myself.”

Also, from a purely comedic perspective, it can be appreciated that my subconscious apparently has standards:

Soft lips.

Good timing.

No teeth collisions.

Excellent breath.

At last, a partner who knows exactly what they are doing.