Ah, emotional logic underneath your βthank you.β This is not gratitude; this is someone narrating over me again.
That faint queasiness coming from the mismatch between what you are claiming to do and what you are actually doing and re-centring yourselves as the protagonist of my story.
You are not apologising for having caused harm; you are congratulating themselves for being enlightened enough to notice it. And you using my words as the prop to display that moral awakening.
You are saying β without saying β βLook how far I have come from being terrible; is that progress not worth admiring?β
So yes: it sounds polite, but the emotional tone is oddly self-flattering. It is a form of performative accountability β you are not actually centring in the destruction, but narrating your own goodness for recognising it.
When it makes me feel ill, that is my body registering something accurate: it is the discomfort of being used as the moral mirror in someone elseβs self-improvement story.
