I do not have a thought.

I have something closer to a committee meeting.

And every committee member has prepared slides.

I start with lunch and five minutes later I am investigating international trade routes, agricultural practices, supply chains, labour ethics, nutritional density, and whether the chickpea had aspirations before becoming hummus.

Meanwhile my stomach has filed a formal complaint.

It occurred to me that this could be why communication between Paul and I sucks.

Because when I say: β€œI’m struggling.”

That statement is not arriving at the end of a thought process.

It isarriving at the end of a very long thought process.

I have already analysed it from twelve angles. I have checked for alternative explanations. I have looked for ways to solve it myself. I have questioned whether I am being unreasonable. I have already minimised it three times.

So by the time the words come out of my mouth, they are often the executive summary.

The board-approved version.
The 300-page report has already been written.

Paul may be hearing the sentence as the beginning of a discussion.

I may be saying it as the conclusion.

For example:
Me: β€œI’m exhausted.”

What may actually exist behind that sentence:

  • Sleep deprivation.
  • Anemia.
  • Emotional overload.
  • Parenting demands.
  • Grief.
  • Work stress.
  • Physical symptoms.
  • Three failed attempts to fix it myself.
  • Two weeks of monitoring.
  • Internal debate.
  • Research.
  • Self-doubt.
  • Reluctance to burden others.

Paul hears: β€œShe’s tired.”

I meant: β€œI have just delivered the findings of a six-week investigation.”

And then I am confused when he does not respond proportionately.

I wonder if some of the communication gap is not about clarity at all.

It might be about compression.

I compress enormous amounts of information into a few words because I have already done the processing.

Other people do not know how much processing happened before the sentence appeared.

So when I say: β€œI need help.”

I might mean: β€œI have exhausted every avenue available to me and I am now formally requesting assistance.”

Someone else hears: β€œThings are a bit difficult today.”

That is a massive difference.

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