STATE-BASED COMPATIBILITY SYSTEM
Who You Can Date Depends on Who You Are Being
(Finally, a dating system that makes sense.)
INTRO – The Core Rule
Compatibility has nothing to do with:
β’ age
β’ height
β’ hobbies
β’ βvibesβ
β’ music taste
β’ attachment style quizzes
β’ the way their jawline looks in soft lighting
Compatibility = state alignment.
You can only build a relationship with someone who lives in a world that is compatible with the one your state generates.
Your state is your entire dating ecosystem.
Chapter 1 – The 5 Core Dating States
Every dater falls primarily into one of these categories (even if they wobble between two).
These are not moral judgements β just operating systems.
STATE A: The Secure Core (PC Energy)
βI know who I am, and connection is safe.β
Traits:
β’ grounded
β’ reliable
β’ present
β’ honest
β’ stable nervous system
β’ does not confuse drama with desire
Compatible with:
β’ A
β’ B (if B is stabilising)
β’ E (if E is rising)
Incompatible with:
β’ C
β’ D
Why? Secure people do not chase chaos.
STATE B: The Anxious Lover (The Seeker)
βI want love deeply but fear losing it.β
Traits:
β’ intense
β’ romantic
β’ sensitive
β’ reads too deeply into small shifts
β’ over-initiates
β’ loves big, crashes hard
Compatible with:
β’ A (best match β regulated, safe, present)
β’ E (if E is learning secure attachment)
Incompatible with:
β’ C (will feel abandoned)
β’ D (will feel crazy)
STATE C: The Avoidant Fortress (The Lone Wolf)
βConnection is a threat to my autonomy.β
Traits:
β’ hyper-independent
β’ dismissive
β’ inconsistent
β’ sends mixed signals
β’ uses logic to avoid vulnerability
Compatible with:
β’ A (can slowly soften)
β’ E (if E has boundaries)
Incompatible with:
β’ B (B becomes starved)
β’ D (they become a cold war)
STATE D: The Chaotic Reactor (Old-State NPC Energy)
βYou are responsible for my emotional weather.β
Traits:
β’ unregulated
β’ triggered easily
β’ cycles of closeness and distance
β’ blames partner
β’ trauma bonds instead of bonds
Compatible with:
β’ β¦nobody romantically
This state is not relationship-ready.
Needs:
β’ healing
β’ time
β’ stability
β’ therapy
β’ boundaries
β’ consistency
Dating in this state equals heartbreak for both parties.
STATE E: The Transitioner (Limbo State)
βI am not who I was, but I am not yet who I am becoming.β
Traits:
β’ growing
β’ shedding old beliefs
β’ sometimes inconsistent
β’ sometimes self-aware
β’ learning new emotional skills
Compatible with:
β’ A (stability)
β’ B (shared vulnerability)
β’ C (if both do the work)
Incompatible with:
β’ D (too destabilizing)
β’ E (if both are wobbly)
Chapter 2 – Compatibility Map (Quick Chart)
Translation:
β’ β = compatible
β’ X = incompatible
β’ β/X = depends on the work
Chapter 3 – Why You Keep Picking the Wrong People
You date from your state, not your wishes.
If you are in:
β’ B β you attract avoidants (C) who feel like home
β’ C β you attract anxious (B) because they do all the emotional lifting
β’ D β you attract chaos β more chaos
β’ E β you attract a mix (mirror of your uncertainty)
You only attract A when you become A.
Chapter 4 – How to Know Someoneβs State in 10 Minutes
Ask yourself:
βWhat happens to my nervous system around them?β
If you become:
β’ calmer β they are A or E
β’ smaller β they are C
β’ chaotic β they are D
β’ obsessed β they are trauma-pattern-aligned (old state)
β’ regulated β they are compatible with your future self
Your body tells you. Not your libido, loneliness or your hope.
Chapter 5- How to Upgrade Your Dating Pool
Upgrade your state.
When you shift states:
β’ C stops attracting you
β’ B stops overwhelming you
β’ D disappears from your timeline entirely
β’ A starts feeling like βof courseβ instead of βtoo good to be trueβ
Your state is your filter.
If you want better people, become the version of you who expects them.
**6. Ultimate Rule:
You cannot date above your state, but you can always level up your state.** Dating becomes easy, clean, and drama-free the moment you stop matching your past and start matching your chosen identity.
