OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS
MODEL: FURNACE OF AFFLICTION (DELUXE EDITION)
MANUFACTURER: EXISTENCE
Thank you for selecting the Human Belief Refinement System. Proper operation will ensure optimal resonance of character under heat.
1. UNPACKING UNIT
Remove ego from box. Discard excessive packaging labeled βcertainty,β βentitlement,β and βthis should not be happening to me.β
Retain humility insert for later use.
2. POWER SOURCE
Unit is activated automatically upon exposure to disappointment, betrayal, illness, public embarrassment, unanswered prayers, or the slow realisation that you cannot control other people.
No batteries required. Suffering is pre-installed.
3. INITIAL WARM-UP
You may notice discomfort. This is normal.
Silver does not enjoy becoming silver. Gold does not applaud the flame.
If smoke appears in the form of outrage, comparison, or self-pity, do not panic. These are surface impurities rising for removal.
4. TEMPERATURE CONTROL
User cannot adjust heat settings.
Attempts to negotiate with the thermostat by saying, βBut I am a good person,β will not affect output.
System calibrated by forces beyond your managerial authority.
5. SOUND CALIBRATION
During heating, listen carefully.
Does your belief crackle like cheap wiring?
Does it hum steadily, low and grounded?
Faith that only functions in climate control may distort at high volume.
Belief soldered through practice tends to hold its connections.
6. IMPURITY REMOVAL
As temperature increases, dross (technical term: nonsense you thought was essential) will surface.
This may include:
β The need to be admired
β The assumption of fairness
β The fantasy that comfort equals virtue
Skim gently. Do not stir.
7. QUALITY TEST
After sufficient exposure to heat, observe output.
Are you brittle?
Are you malleable?
Do you transmit light, or only heat?
Note: True refinement does not eliminate softness. It removes fragility.
8. MAINTENANCE
Periodic affliction recommended for sustained clarity.
Avoid environments where belief is stored in decorative cabinets and never used.
Dust with gratitude. Polish with action.
9. WARRANTY INFORMATION
No lifetime guarantee of ease.
Full assurance of transformation.
