Why is this so delicious and forbidden at the same time?
SEE: that unpacked baggage.
Remember that twit that cheated on you?
That douche that lied so much that it sounded like the truth?
That person that just walked away when you counted on them to be there?
All of your future that you placed in their back pocket just for them to sneak off with it while you were left with nothing but despair and this idea that people are no good.
Even if you know you are good.
You learn to bottle those things up. Or to run away when things start to feel comfortable. It is easier that way. Then you are not the one to get hurt. Then you meet someone that you keep trying to run away from, but something tethers you to them. They are fundamentally kind + lovely but you know already how it will end (right, right – question mark).
They hide all the parts you need to see to know who they are and how they feel about you. You know their heart wants to belong to you. You have heard it sing small tunes when he was trying to get you to pay attention to something else (laughter, sarcasm, deflect, deflect).
It is hard to tell if he is shy, avoidant or incredibly mentally ill. Or all of the above (why choose one?). In any case, even if you are only friends with him forever and ever (amen), having him in your life is better than not having him there at all. And when you realised this, you knew he was unlike what you were accustomed to.
He acts as if he does not deserve you (or anything soft, gentle or cherry sweet). It is in the way he does some things. The little shoves keep you as far away as possible but not out of sight. It is a cat-and-mouse tango, a rose stuffed between your teeth only the swirling is intoxicating and no one knows who the feline is and who the rodent is played by who is playing who.
When those feelings have a place to land and that comfort zone is very far out of sight, will there be enough fallen eyelashes to wish on or will we need to pull down the stars to keep us from consuming each other outright like blood-starved leeches?
